Wednesday, 21 March 2018

You guys!! I'm back! Well, not that I ever really went away, but I feel like I'm about to be back and better than ever.

Cliche, I know, but I've got a good feeling about my blog at the minute. 

See, I don't make it a secret that I often fall in and out of love with blogging. Sometimes when I blog, I'm acutely aware that it's more me going through the motions, wanting to keep posting consistently as to not do so would make me a 'bad blogger', and not because my heart is truly in it.

For the past two weeks or so I've been sick in bed with flu (Australian flu to be precise, apparently there's a lot of it about and MY GOD is it hard to shift!) and was super frustrated at the fact I couldn't get anything done. But actually, the fact that I spent most days sat in bed watching youtube and netflix, with so much time to be left with my own thoughts actually allowed me to think up a lot of ideas. And now I'm back to 90% health (I still have this bitch of a cough unfortunately), I'm feeling optimistic. 

See, for the first time in forever, I'm feeling creative, inspired, and excited about my little space on the internet. I'm falling in love with fashion and beauty again, I'm enjoying planning content and putting outfits together, experimenting with editing and photography, and I'm hoping to take a little more risk.

I guess, sometimes all you need is a little time, a little patience, and a willingness to let things happen organically. Often, when we try and force something, it's pretty obvious that your heart is not in it. And often, inspiration will hit you when you least expect it, like when you're hauled up in bed blowing your nose every 3 minutes and on your tenth cup of honey lemon tea.

So I hope you'll enjoy what I create! I know this is a super short post, trust me, there'll be lots better coming soon, but I just loved this outfit and wanted to share it straight away - I hope you like!

On a side note, What do we all think of the super slim cat eye sunglasses trend, by the way? I guess some will be of the opinion that what was hot in the 90s should stay in the 90s, but personally I kinda love it. To be honest, though, I'm not sure I can pull it off, which is kind of a bummer, since I've bought about 10 different pairs in different colours and slightly different sizes, my bad. Nonetheless, jury is still out on this one, folks! Let me know what you think!

Until next time, 
Bisous <3



Tee: Topshop
Jeans: Topshop Boutique (old, similar here)
Jacket: Topshop (currently out of stock, but similar in pink here)
Shoes: Dr Marten
Sunnies: Ebay (only £2!)


Sunday, 4 March 2018

These days, I feel as though it's become 'cool' and 'trendy' to label yourself as 'socially awkward'. We have every Tom, Dick and Harry doing it, from Jennifer Lawrence, to Lena Dunham. But in my humble opinion, I see no social awkwardness at all. In fact, I see the exact opposite of that. I see women who are very confident and completely comfortable in embracing all their quirks. And if I'm honest, I'm getting a little bit sick of this label being bandied about like a fucking badge of honour. Everyone wants to be the 'alternative girl', the 'girl next door', the 'relatable one', and apparently being a self-confessed socially awkward individual has become an integral part of that identity, that supposedly makes you more unique, relatable, and endearing. 

But from my experience, the reality of being socially inept is completely different. It's rarely viewed as quirky or funny. Of course, I understand that everyone's experience is different, but to me, social anxiety is something that can be and has been incredibly debilitating. It's difficult to explain just how much anxiety has affected my friendships and relationships, my choices and my experiences. 

For the past few days my old friend overthinking has decided to pay me an impromptu visit. Over a cup of tea with my good friend I admitted that I'd been thinking a lot about how I'm perceived in group settings. I was reluctant to share, because as ever, this played on the 'self-indulgent' trap that I always fear accompanies anxiety and depression, and I really didn't want it to seem like I was after a hype club or a pity party. We were discussing some plans we had coming up and she could tell I was feeling uneasy. As she continued to probe me as to why, I started to confess that I just didn't see the point in me going. I didn't feel like I'd contribute anything. I felt like I'd just be the tag along, and if I weren't there, it wouldn't matter. These are patterns of thinking that are constantly recurring for me. They're things I've tried to tackle with my counsellor, but that constantly re-emerge. My friend told me this: "when we're together, your personality shines out, and I see how fucking brilliant you are. But when we're in a group setting, you hardly say a word. You're so quiet. And when you do speak up, it's usually when you're pissed, and I know that's not a true reflection of you. I know you're amazing, but you don't give others a chance to see it, and that's a shame." I've been thinking about what she said for a couple of days since. It's funny, because even though I love my friends and trust them wholeheartedly there is always that niggling feeling in the back of my head, that ugly green monster on your shoulder, telling you that they're chatting shit. That only you are right. That everything you think about yourself is true. The frustration comes from the fact that I know exactly what she means. The way I completely clam up in group settings and can't think of anything meaningful to contribute. The way I have this pervading sense of imposter syndrome niggling away in the back of my mind. And I'm not too sure what to do about it. Because how do we change something when it's so ingrained in you that it feels as though you're fundamentally trying to change who you are? 

It's difficult when social anxiety stops you from expressing your true personality. I often find that a person once getting to know me properly, tells me that when they first met me they thought I was stuck up, or a bit of a bitch. Usually I feel like I'm just incredibly boring, and I can imagine the group after discussing how 'basic' I am. It's frustrating when you get home and go over the night's events, and think of all the things you could have said, all the witty comebacks you could have made, and all the awkward silences you wish you'd filled. This tends to happen over and over, and it becomes a vicious cycle. You become more apprehensive the next time you're in a social setting, and the problem gets worse. 

It's a rock and a hard place. 

For years and years I was told by friends and family that I needed to 'live a little', that I was 'letting life pass me by', that I was always being 'flaky', or 'uptight' or 'boring'. I must have been the weird girl who never wanted to do anything that was 'fun'. Each weekend would roll by and the following Monday I'd have no crazy stories to report in registration. After a while you begin to internalise those sentiments. I spent most of my teen years extremely bitter at the fact that I was missing out on all the classic, 'rite of passage' teenage girl moments, because I simply couldn't face the way that they made me feel. That overthinking for days and days before an event. The actual sleepless nights. The hours going around in circles in your own head. My Sixth Form Prom was a rather traumatic ordeal. I was adamant that I didn't want to go, but my mum wouldn't take no for an answer. So the day of prom, I getting ready and all of a sudden I'm bursting into tears, I'm literally shaking and hyperventilating, and begging my Mum not to go. She sounds way more cruel here than she is (love you Mum), but I think she simply didn't understand why I was so worked up about it. She must've thought I was being melodramatic. She kept saying I'd regret it if I didn't go, it was something everyone did, and I'd be upset in 10 years time when I had no high school prom photos. In the end I dragged myself into the car and went along. I spent the whole night counting down the minutes until I went home. I felt so uncomfortable in my outfit, being completely overdressed when I felt so awfully ugly. I felt uncomfortable getting drunk as I didn't want any loss of control. The whole night was such a disaster, and I've never forgotten how I felt for those 2 hours I was getting ready. The anxiety literally building in my chest as the time we had to leave edged closer. 

I so desperately wanted to be the girl who went on the girl's holiday in year 13, or the girl who went to some random boy's house party with her mates at 16. The girl who went out and got completely shitfaced on every night of fresher's week. The girl who'd go on the blind double date with her new mates. But that was never me. I was constantly being egged on to do things 'for a laugh' that simply terrified me, not because I didn't think they'd be fun, but because I could never see myself participating in them. I could always imagine the judge-y looks and the sly comments as I got it wrong, again. After a while your friends stop asking you to places as they assume they already know your answer. And granted, there was seldom a time when I actually would have said yes to going on one of their wild excursions. But it begins to make you feel incredibly small. Incredibly insignificant, and left behind. Is it any wonder you begin to conceive of yourself as the spare part? As though if you weren't there, it wouldn't even matter? 

I think I began to aline my personality with that of the 'basic girl'.  For years and years, that's what I identified as. The only positive thing I could say about myself was that I was nice. And who needs just nice? I actually hate the term 'basic'. Because I think, fundamentally, it's incorrect. I don't believe anyone is 'basic'. We each have a distinctiveness about us, something that makes us interesting and special. Of course, we aren't always going to find everyone interesting. But that doesn't mean that person is fundamentally boring. Some people are able to express themselves to the full, and flaunt their individuality from a first meeting. For others of us, the real us needs to be prised out gradually. Often we introverts have a lot to say too, y'know. We can be interesting people. I have many regrets for the way I spent my teen years, but I think, perhaps my biggest is the way I constantly put myself down as the boring one. This is a pattern of thinking that continually re-emerges, but I'm glad I'm more aware of it now. Being socially awkward, or quiet, or shy, introverted, unable to make the quickest witty comment or have everyone in stitches; that doesn't make you boring. Not everyone can be the class clown, but don't let that affect your own opinion of yourself. 

I'm so used to my identity being that of the shy/introverted/socially awkward person, that I'm not really sure what I'd be left with without it. Who exactly I'd be. Confidence has never been something I've had, so I can't conceive of me ever having it. I guess there's an element of resistance, too. Often our insecurities can also serve as our comfort blankets. Putting ourselves out there can be incredibly scary, and feel so incredibly unnatural. 
I think that's where it becomes difficult, when we reinforce one part our our identity so much that we forget that things can change, you can change, and if you embraced it, you might actually be happier. 

So I've been trying to push myself a little more recently. And sometimes it can be incredibly hard. To socialise with people without my best friends as my comfort blanket, to try to be more vocal in group settings. These are all things that still fill me with dread. But I've been trying to do them anyway. I hope that with each step I take, it'll get a little easier. I don't expect a change overnight, but I hope that gradually, things will begin to change, and because it will have been such a slow process, it won't feel like such a huge identity change anymore. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is this: the realities of being so socially anxious are so much bleaker than the way social media paints them. Don't be alarmed if people don't find your social ineptitude charming, unfortunately I'm used to social media giving a distorted view of mental health issues. But that doesn't mean you should be filled with self-loathing with it all. This was definitely a place I was stuck in for years. I would reinforce my anxiety by forcing myself to stay in, telling myself that I simply couldn't function in social settings and so I therefore didn't deserve to go out and have fun. I'm no longer at a place where I'm constantly wishing I was different, that I was a social butterfly, the life and soul of the party, the confident one, because I know that fundamentally, that's not me. And I'm beginning to realise that the way I interact in social situations is not a complete reflection of me or my personality. Sometimes, it's important to sit back and take stock, and think of the personality traits you think others might identify in you. We can't all be the extrovert. We can't all be the loud one. We're all different for a reason. Besides, I think finding a way to accept the way you're built, and make the best of it, is a whole different type of confidence anyway, and who is to say that it's not just as valuable?

Until next time,
Bisous <3



Jumper: Forever 21 (Old - Similar Here)
Jeans: Asos
Coat: Zara (Sold Out - Similar Here)
Boots: Topshop (Similar Here)
Beret: Asos
Bag: Zara (Similar Here)
Twilly: Dior (Similar Here)

p.s. Sorry for this rather self-indulgent post. But I guess it's been something I've been aching to get off my chest. I hope this offers some comfort to any of you who also suffer from paranoia over how you're perceived in social settings, or struggle with anxiety. <3


Friday, 23 February 2018

"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it." - Michael J. Fox

So, I know today's post was supposed to be about comfort zones, and rest assured I do still intend to write that post. But this week I've had to learn a valuable lesson, and since it's still fresh in my mind, I thought I'd write about that instead.

Yesterday I experienced something that made me realise that something I was hoping was going to happen, really wasn't ever going to be on the cards. I'm definitely too proud to say this in real life, but somehow on paper (or virtual paper lol), it's much easier to admit this: it hurt. It hurt quite a bit. It brought back old feelings of inadequacy, rejection and insignificance that I'd been doing well to suppress on the day to day. 

I was laying in bed overthinking (what else is new lol), and decided to have a little read through my blog archive, to see what I'd written when I'd experienced something similar.

And I came across this post; 'An Ode to the Unrequited Crush'. I remain super proud of that post, I still find it pretty hilarious (not to toot my own horn or anything lol!), but what struck me was the underlying message. The message that sometimes, what we want to happen just isn't going to happen, and we have to learn to move on. 

See, I'm really not the best at accepting what's not meant to be. I'm very stubborn by nature, and so when I'm told no, I disregard it. I'm also very hopeful. I'm constantly saying in the back of my head, 'well, maybe it may not have happened today, but it could happen next week?' 

I've never been one that's minded waiting, if I knew I'd get what I wanted in the end. But how long do you wait for things to 'fall into place'? A couple of weeks? A month? Six months? A year? 5 years?

I'm always so sure I know what's right; what I want and need for myself, and it's pretty difficult when the big ol' man in the sky says, "no, I have other ideas." It's hard to accept that it's very possible that there's a far bigger picture, and what you think you want now just isn't a part of it. 

But there comes a point where you have to come to terms with the fact that you can't control everything. Indeed, there is very little that you can control. You can't control what other people do, what other people think, and most of all, you can't control how other people feel. All you can do is do you - be yourself, live your life, and try to do so without too much expectation. That way, when something you passively want to happen does in fact come into fruition, it's so much more unexpected and enjoyable, that when you've had it on your mind constantly. 

When I say live life without expectation, I'm not saying don't have goals or hopes. Of course, you should, it's what keeps us motivated. But don't let them become the centre of your world, because then what are you left with when you get told no, and everything shatters around you?

Life is a funny old thing. Whether we want to admit it or not, the vast majority of us have a 'plan'. Depending on how neurotic you are, you may have factored in everything. From the people in it, to the years or months each achievement will happen by. I'm definitely of that ilk, lol! 

But my friend said something particularly poignant to me earlier. She said, 'sometimes you're just living through things that you're yet to learn the significance of, and that's ok." I realised how true that was. I may not have got exactly what I wanted this time around, because there is something better waiting for me around the corner, and I won't know that until I get there. Or maybe there isn't, and this was just another disappointment that I can count as a 'character building experience'. It's ok, either way. 

We're all familiar with that famous saying: 'what is meant to be will be'. When you're not getting what you want, this is so difficult to accept. I guess it takes a small leap of faith. But if you can, I think it's a leap worth taking. It's can be rather liberating when you accept that sometimes, things are out of your hands; when you're able to trust in something greater, call it God, the Universe, or simply a trust in yourself. That things will be ok, whether it's what you were hoping would happen, or not. I guess sometimes we have to remind ourselves that life is a rollercoaster, one that we're taking blindfolded. We may not have got what we wanted now, but accept it, move on - there'll be a peak later on that will be far more enjoyable. Sometimes we have to just sit back and enjoy this funny old ride we call life. 

"Letting go doesn't mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be." - Unknown

Until next time, 
Bisous <3



Hoodie: H&M x Erdem (Sold Out)
Jeans: Topshop
Jacket: Mango (Similar Here)
Bag: Zara (Similar Here)
Twilly: Dior
Trainers: Adidas
Eyewear: Ray Ban


Wednesday, 14 February 2018

"January to December, do you want to be a member?" - Marina Diamandis. 

Ah, Valentine's Day. 

An occasion that epitomises everything that's wrong with consumerist society. We all get caught up in the advertiser B.S. that today is THE day to display your affection for your love, compelling you to fork out money you don't have on an overpriced box of chocolates and cuddly toy to gift all to 'prove' your love. Valentine's Day is arguably the most redundant holiday in the calendar; an over-commercialised, hyper-consumerist, wholly superficial corporate scam.  People are obligated to 'display' their love for their significant other shower and them with pointless gifts that, or dates that, really, would have been far more enjoyable on any other evening, when you're not crammed between two other couples and waiting for an hour just to order a starter. Then there's the outlandish gestures. The annual 'clearly we're the cutest couple' contest, if you will. It would seem, the more money you have, the bigger the display. A room filled with a thousand red roses and candles, a lunch date by the Eiffel Tower followed by a 'money no object' shopping spree on the Champs Elysees. Two white doves delivering love notes written in gold leaf to your door. Fuck offfff. 

If you're prepared for a cringe fest then I give you 5 minutes of scrolling your instagram feed before you stumble across a very eye-roll worthy Valentine's Day humble brag snap. You know the one's; a photo of perfectly groomed lady sitting with a glass of champagne in hand staring out at a view of a  with the caption 'I guess this date is alright', or a picture on your perfectly pressed white sheets surrounded by balloons and luxe gifts with the caption, 'I guess he did alright this year' I swear I've been eye-rolling so hard my eyes are at risk of getting permanently stuck at the back of my head.  

Now reading that, you might think this sounds a bit weird coming from me, a self-confessed hopeless romantic? Right? Or maybe you're thinking meowwww, bitter much? 

Well, maybe I just think there is way more to love than the false and forced displays of affection on one day of the whole year, hmmm? Maybe I think that every day should be Valentine's Day, where you show your special someone just how much you appreciate them with little displays of affection. Or, maybe that's all total bullshit and it just comes down to the fact that I'm completely and utterly jealous. 

I can indeed confirm that the latter is the real reason.

Ironically, Valentine's Day happens to be the day that I'm most cynical about love. 

"Take advantage of my heart and I'll go back into the dark
Love will never be forever, feelings are just like the weather." 

Call me bitter, but does anyone else just trundle through the day being grumpy at every and any mention of love? 

See, I can be happy for people most of the time, but I think Valentine's Day is the one day of the year I can be bitter and grumpy and completely indulge in my envy. On the 15th February I'll get a grip once more and be cool once more with my single status. But not today, because nothing screams 'hey, you're single and no one loves you' like zero valentine's day cards, secret admirers or messages of love when your social media is full of them. 

Worst thing is, I know that I'll most probably spend the day trawling through my Facebook feed, that's when I'm not running back and forth from checking the post in the hope that the unlikely event that my crush will send me a card or gift and confess his undying love to me before whisking me off on one cringe but rom-com worthy date. 

When that turns out to be a total pipe dream, you'll be sure to find me resigning myself to a night in bed with a hot water bottle, a bottle of wine, 10,000 different snacks, and a full box of tissues to mop up my abundance of salty tears that my big old selection of chic flick's will undoubtedly induce. 

Depending on how in my feelings I get, there's also a fair chance that I'll be deep in Tinder out of sheer desperation and for that much needed self-esteem boost, having convinced myself that I'll probably spend every 14th February for the rest of my life, in exactly the same sorry state, until maybe, I have a few feline friends to keep me company. Settings will be changed to 100km as the night grows longer, as my hopes grow more unrealistic. I'll be convincing myself that somehow I'll magically find my one true or miraculously match with Henry Cavill or Alex Pettyfer. <3 

For a while I actually contemplated going to see Fifty Shades Freed in the evening but in the end thought better of it. You can bet that it'll either be full of lovey-dovey couples in search of inspiration for post-date activities or sad singletons celebrating 'Galentine's Day' and yelling 'wooooo' every time Jamie Dornan get's his kit off. No thanks. (In the privacy of my own home best believe I'd be behaving like the latter, though.) 

There may not be a rush to find love, but Valentine's Day doesn't half rub your single status in your face, right? Ahh the Facebook posts that I'll dread seeing, I can see them now. 'So lucky to be spending a 2nd Valentine's Day with this one', 'New Pandora ring, he didn't do bad did he', the dredges of facebook that have scowling more and more, and yet I know I'll sit there and scroll through the whole thing to make myself even more bitter.

Then we have 'Galentine's Day'. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm all about girls supporting girls, and all that, but to be honest, I'd rather just spend my evening wallowing in self-pity and drinking my sorrows away alone as opposed to basically having a 'Mate Date' in a desperate attempt to convince each other that we're 'strong independent women who don't need no man' and that the power of friendship somehow makes up for the desperate loneliness and lack of cuddles. You might be able to temporarily numb the pain of Valentine's Day by sharing the burden of the harsh reality of spinsterhood, but we all know you're both secretly hoping that at some point you can be the one to cut the Mate Date short because your crush finally asked you out. So might as well just cut the shit, amiright???

So, I propose we have a little Lonely Hearts Club, with a twist. Within it we may not find love, but for one day only, I propose we bond over our shared bitterness, and have a nice little bitch about all the things we hate about Valentine's Day, or that someone special that just won't get the hint that you're into them. I always say that you should never form friendship of the basis of gossiping or bitching, but on February 14th, I make an exception. Those of you currently engaged in happy relationships not welcome. 

I hope you enjoyed this post, and the over the top, tongue-in-cheek tone of it. Really, all I'm trying to say is this is just a little note of solidarity for all my other single pringles out there. I see ya. One day our Princes will come, and if not, then I hear that Wine and a Cheese selection board are great lifelong companions too. 

Let me know you thoughts on Valentine's Day in the comments below!

Until next time, 
Bisous <3



T-Shirt: Boohoo
Skirt: Boohoo
Blazer: H&M (similar here)
Boots: Topshop (very similar here and here)
Tights: Asos


Thursday, 8 February 2018

Trafalgar Square, London WC2N 5DN, UK

Recently I've been struggling to sit down and write. To log onto this little space on the internet which has been a big part of my life for nearly two years now. It's been incredibly weird for me, because it's well know that I am someone who can talk (if you watch my instastories, you'll know that LOL). But I think a lot. I have a lot of opinions. I enjoy writing and I enjoy debate. So having such a prolonged period of writer's block has been pretty weird for me. I feel as though I've tried everything. I've tried taking a break, to wait until I was re-inspired. I've tried to keep ploughing on and hoped that I'd push through the block to reach a breakthrough. I've tried reading lots of other blogs, both old favourites and completely new finds. But nothing seems to be working, and it's left me kind of stumped. 

So recently I've been thinking a lot about the ever evolving nature of the blogging world, and how this has perhaps contributed to my lack of enthusiasm.

I think I'm beginning to feel incredibly disillusioned with the community I once found so fascinating. There's not much I haven't seen before. There's not much that really catches my eye. There's not much feeling or personality, instead, often it feels rather sterile, cold, and distant. It's become a competition; who can get the best brand collaborations. Who can get the most likes. Who can grow their following the quickest. Who can get their hands on the latest releases the soonest. For a while I was completely sucked into that world. I found myself constantly watching my follower number, constantly trying to predict what items on the high street were going to be 'blogger faves' so I could get them first.

And I didn't feel happy. I'd see my following grow but wonder why it wasn't growing as quickly as someone else's. I was constantly thinking that if I just bought this or that, a new 'trendy' piece or a new camera for improved quality, that I'd see a sharp increase in my engagement. Slowly I realised that far from making me feel more pleased with my content, it was making me feel incredibly inadequate and .as though I had failed, and realised that I'd wandered so far from the blogging road I'd first taken. 

They often say that when you get into a blogging rut, you should think of the reasons you first started.   I started because I wanted to write. To write about anything and everything that filled my mind, however trivial or important. I wanted to form relationships with people who were interested in similar things to me. I wanted to discuss, to debate. But most of all, I know I started because I loved art, and I missed having a creative outlet when I came to uni. I was in love with all things fashion and beauty and wanted somewhere to express that. I just wanted somewhere to create. 

But I think blogging just doesn't excite me anymore. And I think on some level, this is being experienced across the blogging world. I think blogging may be at a turning point and may have reached it's peak. I see that engagement, even for some of the biggest bloggers, is declining. Of course, we're not helped by the elitism of algorithms and so on, that hold us all back. But aside from that, people don't seem as engaged. Genuine comments are few and far between. I don't know whether this is just to do with me and me feeling very uninspired and disillusioned with blogging at the minute, or whether this is a far more widespread sentiment.

The funny thing is I spend so much time complaining about lack of engagement and so on, but I've realised that I'm absolutely a contributor to the problem, as I have been losing interest myself. I used to watch Youtube videos religiously, read blogs for a couple of hours daily, and spend my life on instagram. Now I rarely watch youtube or read blogs, and every time I go onto instagram there's a lingering sense of dread; it feels like a chore, and it reminds me of how much I'm 'failing'. 

So much of the blogging world is now all about promotion, advertising, brand work, and money. And I'm not saying this is a bad thing. I have immense respect for the women who have been able to turn a hobby into a career; who have effectively become their own brands and are a force of new entrepreneurs. But there is still a huge part of me that yearns for the days when it was so much more simple. In the 4 years I've been reading blogs, and the (almost) 2 short years I've been writing my own, blogging has evolved so much, and at times, I'm not sure that this is for the better. Blogging was so much more of a community - people left comments because they really wanted to, and not for self-promotion purposes. Nowadays it feels like a lot of engagement is false, that there is an underlying goal to get something back. This isn't me having a dig, because I can't even pretend that I don't do these things. It would seem that these are the only ways to 'get ahead'. I think in many ways, the monetisation of the blogging world has meant that subconsciously, we're all following little tips and tricks that we think will 'get us ahead', because whether we started writing a blog simply as a hobby or not, there is an undeniable pressure and inescapable urge to compare your progress with those around you. 

See, as much as people like to go on and on about how blogging 'is not about the numbers' and that 'you should blog because you love it, whether you have 1 follower or 100,000', I think this is incredibly naive, patronising, and fake. Of course, we all know that, and I'm constantly telling myself these things when I think I'm becoming too focused on numbers. But let's not pretend that we don't care at all, and that numbers mean nothing to us. After all, no one likes to feel like they're failing, or as though they are being left behind. It can be incredibly disheartening when you're working your arse off to create content, and nobody is seeing it. I always think that more than anything, for me it's never been about having hundreds of thousands of followers. But from the followers I do have, I like to see a lot of interaction. I like to discuss and chat and hear other opinions. I write my blog for me, but I write it for you, too. There's nothing greater than reading someone's opinion on your work, and having someone appreciate it. I think taking a tunnel vision approach can only work to a certain extent. There's a point where you can't help but stop to compare yourself to your peers doing well and wonder what is so wrong with you, that you aren't doing the same. 

I think that's the stage I'm at now. It's tough, because every so often I feel like quitting the blog, particularly when I'm at uni and I realise just how much work I have to do; I begin to feel as though I'm just wasting my time. But then I think back to when I started blogging and I absolutely loved it. I continue to try to produce content, but the clusterfuck that is now instagram, the lack of engagement and activity, and my general cluelessness with what to write have meant that blogging has increasingly made me feel more and more like a failure. I don't know how to improve my photography so more people like it and find it interesting. I don't know how to change my style to make it more 'trendy' and 'chic' and eye-catching. I don't know what to write that will grab people's attentions. I don't know how to change. But then I stop and think, 'but should I be changing myself at all?'

Ultimately, I guess I just don't know how to recapture an enthusiasm for a world that I fear no longer exists. It seems as though the blogging world has moved so far from what it once was, from the world I once adored, and I just don't know whether I have a place in it anymore. 

Until next time,
Bisous <3



Jumper: Zara (old, similar here)
Jeans: Topshop
Jacket: Missguided
Boots: Missguided
Bag: Zara (old, similarish here)
Beret: Asos


Friday, 2 February 2018

"All great achievements require time." - Maya Angelou

So guys, we're back for the first Friday Thoughts of the year! I realise it's already February, but I've had the most hectic January, which, in a sense, prompted me to write this post. 

See, although I wrote in a previous blog post that I hadn't really made any New Year's Resolutions, this was a bit of a fib. So yeah, I hadn't set myself any 'official' resolutions, but I think I knew that deep down, come January 1st, there were a few goals that I had set myself that I really wanted to put into action. They were the following:

1.) Post on the blog twice a week. 
2.) Work on my sleeping pattern and make sure I don't go to sleep past 3am. 
3.) Start going back to the gym.
4.) Be more organised. 

Now looking back - what were these goals, if they were not New Year's Resolutions? As soon as January 1st hit, I felt the pressure to be on top of them, and to have put them all into action. And, of course, I've made zero progress on any of them. I've barely posted on the blog. My sleeping pattern is still rather erratic (although there have only been a handful of nights where I've slept later than 3, so I guess that's a small success). I haven't even considered visiting the gym yet, and this is probably the most disorganised I've been in a long while. 

I'm up to my eyeballs in uni work, blog deadlines, and a little job that I've had since mid January, and this week I've started to feel like such a failure. I was recalling the goals I had set myself and realised that I hadn't achieved any of them. If anything, I'd regressed! And that was pretty disappointing. For a few days I felt as though this year was already a write off; that because January had been such a clusterfuck, the rest of 2018 would be too. 

And that's when I noticed my old negative thinking patterns starting to emerge. My counsellor had warned me that retraining thought processes would be a long old battle. It wouldn't be something that you could just implement overnight, but something that would have to be worked on continuously.

See, sometimes it's pretty difficult to practice what you preach. 

It wasn't until this week, reading back over that previous blog post, that I realised how much of a hypocrite I had been. I'd been lecturing to you guys the importance of not putting pressure on yourself to achieve your goals, when deep down I was doing the exact opposite! 

So I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's never too late to set the clock back, to start afresh. I'm treating this month as though I've turned back time, and this is the start of 2018. February will be my January, but with a different attitude in mind. Instead of overloading myself with goals and expectations, I'll try to make them smaller, more manageable tasks. 

My goal for this month is to try to get a good working pattern in order and learn how to prioritise tasks. Far too often I end up working on things that I could have actually done later in the week because it was easier, and then end up having to rush the work that I should have prioritised. I've tried to start doing that a little this week, and I've already found it helps to make me a little less stressed. Writing daily to-do lists helps me to have a clear idea of my schedule for the day and the tasks that need completing. The key thing is to do such without pressure, so that if something hasn't been completed by the end of the day, I don't feel like a failure. I'd say getting a diary is such a good step in trying to become more organised. 

Take your time. We're all familiar with that childhood story of the hare and the tortoise. 'Slow and steady wins the race', the say, but how often do we treat that saying as a life maxim? I can put my hand up and say, rarely. I think it's common to act as though, come January 1st, everything will be different. Almost as though, over night, we undergo some sort of wild transformation, that makes us a new person with a completely different attitude for the new year. We fail to realise that we cannot break from the past that easily. Chances are the things you found difficult in 2017, will still be difficult in 2018. The shit you were wading through in 2017, will probably still be holding you down in 2018. But that fact shouldn't leave you disheartened. Instead, we should simply approach our goals and expectations for a coming year with a touch more realism. We're not going to achieve all our goals immediately, with no set backs or slip ups. Not everything will be perfect from day one. But slowly and surely, things falls into place. 

Until next time, 
Bisous <3


P.s. Ya gal managed to get you a cheeky discount on the Henry watch in this post! Just enter the code 'EVA20' at checkout for 20% off any watch. Browse the selection here and thank me later!


Jumper: Mango (old, similar here)
Skirt: Topshop
Boots: Saint Laurent (old, similar here, high street version here)
Coat: Zara (purchased in sale, so sold out in most sizes, but similar here)
Hat: Asos
Watch: c/o Henry London*

This post is brought to you in collaboration with Henry London, who kindly sponsored the creation of this post. All items marked with an asterisk (*) were kindly gifted to me. As always all thoughts, opinions and creative direction are my own; please refer to my 'contact' page for my full disclaimer.


Monday, 22 January 2018

So, I have a little bit of a confession to make. I'm a bit of (ok a complete) makeup snob. For some reason, there's just something that makes me gravitate towards high end makeup, I totally buy into the whole idea that higher end means better quality, even if I have a drugstore lipstick, for example, that'll work just as well as the high end one! The only problem? The prices. Yep, I may love high end makeup, but I'm kinda on a Pound Shop budget. Enter Beauty Pie. When this brand first came onto the scene, claiming to sell luxury makeup for just a fraction of the price, I was immediately intrigued.  The beauty world has been rather excited about this brand, given that it has kinda changed the makeup shopping game by allowing member's of the site to buy luxury makeup at factory costs. 

The idea behind this is that to be completely transparent, by breaking down the manufacturing costs of the product in terms of product and packaging, warehousing, and safety testing. To be able to buy the products for the 'transparent cost', however, you have to be signed up to a Beauty Pie membership, which costs £10 a month. The minimum sign up is 3 months, so effectively you'll be spending £30 to test out some of the makeup for the factory prices. There's also a cap on how much you're able to spend per month of £100, and that is £100 of the full price of the item, not the factory price, which I originally found quite confusing! I hope it's all clear so far!

Now, the lovely Beauty Pie team were kind enough to send me a few different products to test out and review for you guys. I've been giving them a good old testing since October, so I can give you all a rather comprehensive review to let you know whether the products are worth your money! So here goes!

£30.00, £5.35 Members Price.

Now this was probably the product I was most intrigued to try. In my opinion, a product where you can instantly feel the biggest difference in quality when comparing high end and drugstore is foundation. I usually find that drugstore foundations don't last as well, they usually make me oily more quickly, the shades are often slightly off (especially if you're my kind of complexion) and I just don't particularly enjoy using them. 

So, given that the Beauty Pie foundations are supposedly luxury, but for prices even below the drugstore ones, I was rather excited. I've used this for a good few months now, and I do actually quite like it, which surprised me. 

What surprised me most was how good the colour match was! The shade Medium 500 Sand is actually quite comparable to my Nars Sheer Glow in 'Syracuse', and I find it to be fairly comparable in terms of consistency and initial finish too. It's fairly gloomy, rather natural looking, and does really do what it says on the tin: that is, give you great looking skin. 

I compared it to my Bourjois healthy mix, and found it to perform far better than that. I find the Bourjois gets oily far more quickly, and priced at £9.99 is a fair bit more than Beauty Pie's one at the member's price. Having said that, I also don't think it was quite the quality of my Nars or Fenty foundations for example, the main difference being the longevity. The Beauty Pie foundation lasts well, but gets slightly more oily and a looks a tad worse for wear if I have it on for a really long day. To be honest, this doesn't particularly bother me, as I simply stick to wearing it in the week for a normal day of uni, and will use my Fenty or Nars for special occasions. 

If you're looking for a good everyday foundation that won't break the bank, then I'd definitely recommend you give this a go!

In terms of shade range, there are 15 shades, I am 500 Sand and there are still 5 shades darker than mine. So, definitely a lot of room for improvement, but I appreciate the effort they've put at to cover a fairly broad spectrum, especially for a rather new brand (ahem, Tarte, yes I am shading you!) 

Ultimately, would I buy this again? Yes, I would, but for the member price, not the full price. I'd say I'd pay up to £15 for this foundation, as it really is good for general daily wear, but doesn't stand up to some of my higher end foundations. 

£17.00, £2.02 Member Price

This is a really lovely quality gel eyeliner pencil. The noticeable difference between cheap and expensive gel liners is, I find, how hard the product is. I found this to be wonderfully creamy, and therefore it applied onto the lids very smoothly. It lasted well throughout the day, and I must say, I'm a fan of this colour! 'Stargazer' is a metallic grey, which, if I'm honest I would never have picked out myself, so I'm really glad I was sent this to try. For the £2.02 member price, I couldn't really ask for much more!

£20.00, £2.57 Member Price

I'd like to try a couple more shades of these, as I'm still undecided! The bullet is actually a rather unique shape, as its curved, rather than made to a point. In one sense, this is great, particularly for applying colour to the outer parts of the lips. However, I found it slightly more difficult to apply the lipstick to the cupids bow, because of the bullet shape. In terms of formula, it is highly pigmented, and very comfortable on the lips, I can't really fault it! I guess I'd like to try some of the matte version to see how they compare, as I find generally satin lipsticks are easier to wear, whereas there's a little more that can go wrong with Mattes, particularly if you have very dry lips, as I do! Would I recommend? For the member's price, absolutely! For the full price, I would not; given that MAC lipsticks are £16, I would simply buy one of those. 

£20.00, £2.34 Member Price. 

Ok, so this is without doubt my favourite product. If you're going to try one thing from the range, it needs to be this. I'm a very very harsh mascara critic; in my opinion, it's the product that makes the face, and so I just won't settle for anything that is 'ok'. For £2.34, this an absolute steal. I was actually rather surprised, as when just looking at the wand, I didn't notice anything special, it just looked like a standard wand. So I was incredibly surprised with the results! It makes my lashes extremely fluttery, it adds just the right amount of length and a good amount of curl as well as separation. I find this to be the perfect everyday makeup mascara, and find myself always gravitating towards it when I want my lashes to look pretty and fluttery, but more day time appropriate. This really is a mascara that rivals some of my most expensive favourites, and was definitely the product to me, that felt the best quality, and the best value for money. I mean, I buy mascaras for £20 (I know, I'm crazy), and to be honest, I would probably repurchase this for that price - that's how much I loved it!

£16.00, £2.31

The jury is still out on this one, folks! It's a very unusual brow product, and unlike nothing I've used before. It's basically a brow powder, that, when applied with the wand, clings to the hairs and skin in order to fill it in. 

Now I think this product would be perfect if you have well shaped brows that you just want to quickly fill in and make darker and look more full, as with one quick swipe, there's enough pigment and product to fill the whole brow in.

I, however, need slightly more precision with my brow to achieve the shape I want. I always have to fill in one brow slightly more than the other so the shapes match well, and I found this difficult to do with this product. With practice, though, I did eventually get better, and I found that when I took my time with it, I did like the way my brows looked. Ultimately though, I just don't think it's suited to me. I know that there will be a lot of people for whom this would be perfect, though!

I also don't think I can give a 100% fair review as I found it hard to warm to the product because I simply didn't like the colour. I received 'Baked Brown', and I just found this too warm for my brows, which I prefer to look a little ashy. 

So that's everything! Final verdict: do I think Beauty Pie is worth the hype? 

I'd say, yes! Even though I had a couple of misses, ultimately I think that even when combining the £30.00 membership with the factory cost of the products, you still get them for reasonable prices that resemble drugstore ones, and I'd say that the quality of the products is better than drugstore. 

If you're a makeup addict, and love trying new products, I would 100% recommend purchasing a 3 month membership to pick up a bunch of products and see how you get on with them. I also think that this is a really nice gift for makeup fans, as it gives them the opportunity to try quite a few new things for a reasonable price!

I'm not sure whether the brand has enough products to justify spending £10 a month indefinitely, so I'm very intrigued to see how the brand expands and what they bring out next! I would certainly like to try out some more bits and pieces, and to see if there are any other gems, like the mascara, that are a really great steal!

Have any of you guys tried Beauty Pie? What did you think of it? Let me know in the comments below! 

Until next time,
Bisous <3


Please note that whilst this post is not sponsored, all items marked with an asterisk (*) were kindly gifted to me by Beauty Pie. As always all thoughts, opinions and creative direction are my own; please refer to my 'contact' page for my full disclaimer.


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