A little note: So I actually wrote this wayyyyy back in April when I was in the middle of my intermission and a depressive episode, so let's just say it's pretty bitter and negative lmaooo! But as I was going through my blog drafts I remembered that I'd completely forgotten to publish it! I read it back and thought it was still pretty funny, so I hope you enjoy, and read it in the spirit it's meant to be!


So today, I urge you to brace yourself for an offloading, very tongue in cheek post. I need to vent about something that has been seriously grinding my gears (my absolute fave expression lol) recently. So sit back, cup of tea in hand (vino is even better if it's the evening, or afternoon, or morning - hey, I don't judge!) and have a chuckle at what my sad little life has become. Here are 5 things that are probably going to be happen when your love life is about as exciting as watching paint dry whilst all of your friends are apparently living out 'The Notebook'. 

1.) You're going to have your ear chewed off with lovey dovey relationship talk (vom... but also not really because I'm the biggest romantic out there lol, i'm just jel), and when all of your friends are in relationships, you can multiply that shit by 4.  Be prepared for a lot of "so and so is sooooo cute" and "oh the other day me and so and so did this" and "so and so and I had this hugeeeee argument and I'm not talking to him and I'm sooooo upset", and it'll get old reaaaal fucking quick. Like I know we're out for lunch to catch up on each other's lives but it'd be really nice to venture into the realm of other conversational topics, such as how uni is going, your opinion on world politics at the moment, when you last got your fucking car Mot'd, literally anythingggg other than you and your darn boyfriend.

2.) Not only will you be getting an earful from your friends, you'll be getting it from your mum too. Queue the questions of "Why haven't you got a boyfriend yet?" My mother genuinely told me that I should stop buying luxury pieces (such as my beloved chanel slingbacks) because it was stopping me from getting a boyfriend by marketing myself as too 'high maintenance' and 'materialistic'. Fuccccckkkkkk that. Firstly I think that reasoning is, frankly, completely absurd, but even if there were some truth in it, I wouldn't want a guy who was intimidated by a pair of fucking shoes anyway. This girl's a strong, independent woman who will buy the shit she wants to buy! Besides, I'm pretty sure I have far bigger problems holding me back, such as my crippling social anxiety, painfully awkward personality, and fucking awful face. lol.

3.) You know that summer holiday you were planning with your best mate? Was going to be a girls weekend of sight seeing, shopping and partying? Yeah that won't be happening, she'll be going with her boyfriend now. Prepare to spend your summer at home, on the sofa, with netflix. Alone.

4.) I hope you're prepared to be a third wheel because that's how you'll be spending 90% of your time if you ever want to see your mate again. Apparently they're now joint at the hip and can only travel as a pair, so if you plan on going for a drink with your bestie, you can be pretty darn sure that it's now a two for one deal and the old boyfriend will be coming along too. Hopefully, if you're lucky, you won't have to endure too much PDA.

5.) You're probably going to feel more alone than ever. Or maybe that's just me, idk. You'll probably be hitting yourself with the "why does nobody want me?" question at least 10 times a day and every time you come across some form of relationship display on social media (this will be frequent). Prepare to plan your future as a less comedy value version of Bridget Jones, an old spinster in a crusty old apartment filled with wine and cheese, where all you have to keep you company are you 10 cats and heavy sense of self-pity. I literally don't even really fucking like cats, but it's better than dying alone.

Oh, and I know there's only meant to be 5, but I'm going to give you a bonus 6.

6.) Suddenly all your mates take it upon themselves to become your personal matchmaker and relationship guru. If I had a pound for every time one of my friends "We need to find you a boyfriend", "I know someone who is perfect for you"or "I'll ask so and so if he has any single mates for you...", I wouldn't even need a boyfriend. You know why? Because I'd have enough money to buy myself a Chanel classic flap, and it's been scientifically proven that these provide girls with more happiness then boyfriends anyway. So thanks for your budding, but slightly patronising interest in my love life, pals, but no thanks, you're just making me feel even more shit.

Now if you sense this post as coming across as bitchy or bitter, then you're bang on, because it is. Lol.  Now hear me out, I'd like to think that I'm a good friend, a great friend in fact, and don't get me wrong, I will always want to hear about anything and everything that makes a friend happy or sad - no matter what or when, I'll always be there to listen. BUT. and here is the but, let's not pretend that sometimes it doesn't get just a tad tiring, especially when you're getting an earful from all your friends at once. Then there comes the pressure from those around you (ahem, I'm looking at you, Mum!) and the questions of whether you have a 'special someone' and it just reinforces the sense of worthlessness and feeling like shite that you're completely wrapped up in anyway. So forgive me for putting out this bout of negativity, but sometimes a girl's gotta vent, you feel me? And you know what, we're all allowed to be bitchy and bitter every once in a while. I'm sick of the demonisation of negative, and completely normal emotions, like jealousy and envy. Of course, it's not great to be like that alllll the time, but little bouts of it every now and then, is, in my opinion, pretty healthy. Besides, if I've struck the balance of this post just right, I'm hoping you guys have been able to sense the playful tone behind the post, to realise that a lot of this is just for comedic effect. It's just banter!

Now all my friends are in happy relationships, there are sometimes times where I've come to feel really very alone and isolated, and yes, a little jealous and bitter. If I'm completely honest, perhaps a little bit of it is wanting someone special of my own, but I'm not sure whether this is truly what I want or whether I just want to be able to be part of this new 'relationship' club, and to fill this void of loneliness, which obviously isn't great. Moreover, I'm aware that on some level, there's a strong part of me that yearns for much simpler times. When none of my girls were in relationships and we were all so carefree. We could chat about crushes on boys, and joke about setting one another up with said crushes, and go on drunken girls nights out. It was childish and silly, but it was fun! I don't know, there's no real purpose to this post, but every so often I guess I just mourn the lose of those fun, single girl times that I miss. Alas, at the moment, I guess it is not to be!

Well this all reached a rather deep, 'in my feelings' type end, didn't it?! It's like when you start off taking the piss out of unfortunate events in your life and end up clubbing into 50 tissues realising it's actually not all fun and games lol. Nonetheless, I hope you found the bulk of this post somewhat amusing. Are any of you ladies the lone singleton in your girl gang? How do you find it? Share your stories in the comments below!

Until next time,
Bisous <3



Jumper: H&M
Jeans: Topshop
Boots: New Look
Jacket: Bershka

What's your opinion?