FRIDAY THOUGHTS: WHY I'VE STOPPED LONGING FOR LOVE








If you've been following this blog for a while, then you'll know two things:
1.) I'm a hopeless romantic.
2.) To say I'm unlucky in love would be a great understatement. 

Actually, if you'd like a bit of a catch up on that tragicness, then let me refer you to these posts (here and here) - read with a cup of tea (actually, bugger that, a glass of wine) and bag of popcorn in hand, and if you're lamenting your sorry own state of affairs, then have a giggle at mine (you're welcome). 

If I'm completely honest, that's a combination that sucks. See, I'm incredibly picky, because I'm hell bent on experiencing that Romeo and Juliet, Jack and Rose, movie love, but its also very much the case that the guys that I like never like me, and the ones that I'm less than keen on are big fans. Why is that always the way, eh?

I'd say for the past year or two, this is something that has really begun to bug me. It was fine when I wasn't alone in this predicament, and my friends and I could gossip about boys, joke about our disastrous experiences, and enjoy the single life together. But as they've gradually coupled up and left me the permanent third wheel, it gets to a point where you simply can't help but question, 'what's wrong with me?'

It doesn't matter how many times your friends tell you you're beautiful, or that the guys that don't like you are mad not to. Ultimately, you're still left with a deep feeling of worthlessness, as you stop and look around and think, 'why does nobody want me?'

Unfortunately we've been brought up on the chic flicks and rom coms that have been feeding us lies on love and romance for the best part of 10 years. From the moment you first watched 'High School Musical' and Troy, the popular jock, fell for Gabriella, the reserved science nerd, or brooding vampire boy Edward falling for painfully awkward Bella in Twilight, you probably expected to have a similarly handsome and romantic guy whisk you off your feet at some point in your adolescence. But I can't be the only one that's been severely let down, and to be honest, I'm not sure I believe there are 'Romeos' out there anymore. Boys around me are either incredibly immature, not wanting to 'commit', or are already taken by girls who are far above my own level. I'm now 21 and don't think I could ever say I've experienced 'real love', and I feel like I've missed out. 

Social media is a bitch for rubbing it in your face, too. I look at friends who are off travelling the world with their other halves, road tripping America, or are simply enjoying 'date night' every week, and it deepens your own sense of loneliness, the feeling that you're missing out on experiences and time that you will never get back. I feel a mixture of sadness, exasperation, and most importantly, envy. 

I turn 22 next month, and I think it's about time I wave goodbye to that old pipe dream. There are probably a fair few of you sitting there reading this and thinking, but 22 is so young! You have your whole life ahead of you, and I know that you're probably right! I'm sure one day, or at least hope, that in the (probably distant) future, I'll find someone to put up with me, 'Mr Right'. But I think there's a difference between being in love when you're 20 and when you're 30. The priorities are different, what you look for is different, and ultimately, the experience is different.

I think I've realised that I need to stop getting actively hung up on this stuff, and continually questioning why I'm so 'undateable', or why nobody wants me, because ultimately, all this does is lead me onto the all too familiar path or self doubt and self critique, which does the old confidence no favours.

I hate to be super cliche with the end of this post, but there's that saying, 'when you stop looking for love, then it'll find you when you least expect it', and I guess, now, I'm putting more faith into that. Gone are the days of trawling tinder searching for the online validation our generation desperately seeks, or continually questioning why I'm not good enough. It's a waste of time, it's a waste of energy, and ultimately, it changes nothing. Sometimes I think the line between wanting to be loved, and simply wanting to be validated can be rather blurred and I guess, the more I'm navigating this whole self-acceptance journey, the better I'm becoming and putting aside these niggling worries, and instead focusing on myself.

That's all for today, folks. Are any of you guys hopeless romantics who are realising that real life is really quite different?

Until next time, 
Bisous <3

Eva
xxx

OUTFIT DETAILS:

Top: Primark (in store)
Shorts: Topshop
Trainers: Boohoo
Bag: Primark
Sunglasses: Ebay

What's your opinion?

@whatevawears