TO THE LONELY HEARTS CLUB

Wednesday, 14 February 2018





"January to December, do you want to be a member?" - Marina Diamandis. 

Ah, Valentine's Day. 

An occasion that epitomises everything that's wrong with consumerist society. We all get caught up in the advertiser B.S. that today is THE day to display your affection for your love, compelling you to fork out money you don't have on an overpriced box of chocolates and cuddly toy to gift all to 'prove' your love. Valentine's Day is arguably the most redundant holiday in the calendar; an over-commercialised, hyper-consumerist, wholly superficial corporate scam.  People are obligated to 'display' their love for their significant other shower and them with pointless gifts that, or dates that, really, would have been far more enjoyable on any other evening, when you're not crammed between two other couples and waiting for an hour just to order a starter. Then there's the outlandish gestures. The annual 'clearly we're the cutest couple' contest, if you will. It would seem, the more money you have, the bigger the display. A room filled with a thousand red roses and candles, a lunch date by the Eiffel Tower followed by a 'money no object' shopping spree on the Champs Elysees. Two white doves delivering love notes written in gold leaf to your door. Fuck offfff. 

If you're prepared for a cringe fest then I give you 5 minutes of scrolling your instagram feed before you stumble across a very eye-roll worthy Valentine's Day humble brag snap. You know the one's; a photo of perfectly groomed lady sitting with a glass of champagne in hand staring out at a view of a  with the caption 'I guess this date is alright', or a picture on your perfectly pressed white sheets surrounded by balloons and luxe gifts with the caption, 'I guess he did alright this year' I swear I've been eye-rolling so hard my eyes are at risk of getting permanently stuck at the back of my head.  

Now reading that, you might think this sounds a bit weird coming from me, a self-confessed hopeless romantic? Right? Or maybe you're thinking meowwww, bitter much? 

Well, maybe I just think there is way more to love than the false and forced displays of affection on one day of the whole year, hmmm? Maybe I think that every day should be Valentine's Day, where you show your special someone just how much you appreciate them with little displays of affection. Or, maybe that's all total bullshit and it just comes down to the fact that I'm completely and utterly jealous. 

I can indeed confirm that the latter is the real reason.

Ironically, Valentine's Day happens to be the day that I'm most cynical about love. 


"Take advantage of my heart and I'll go back into the dark
Love will never be forever, feelings are just like the weather." 

Call me bitter, but does anyone else just trundle through the day being grumpy at every and any mention of love? 

See, I can be happy for people most of the time, but I think Valentine's Day is the one day of the year I can be bitter and grumpy and completely indulge in my envy. On the 15th February I'll get a grip once more and be cool once more with my single status. But not today, because nothing screams 'hey, you're single and no one loves you' like zero valentine's day cards, secret admirers or messages of love when your social media is full of them. 

Worst thing is, I know that I'll most probably spend the day trawling through my Facebook feed, that's when I'm not running back and forth from checking the post in the hope that the unlikely event that my crush will send me a card or gift and confess his undying love to me before whisking me off on one cringe but rom-com worthy date. 

When that turns out to be a total pipe dream, you'll be sure to find me resigning myself to a night in bed with a hot water bottle, a bottle of wine, 10,000 different snacks, and a full box of tissues to mop up my abundance of salty tears that my big old selection of chic flick's will undoubtedly induce. 

Depending on how in my feelings I get, there's also a fair chance that I'll be deep in Tinder out of sheer desperation and for that much needed self-esteem boost, having convinced myself that I'll probably spend every 14th February for the rest of my life, in exactly the same sorry state, until maybe, I have a few feline friends to keep me company. Settings will be changed to 100km as the night grows longer, as my hopes grow more unrealistic. I'll be convincing myself that somehow I'll magically find my one true or miraculously match with Henry Cavill or Alex Pettyfer. <3 

For a while I actually contemplated going to see Fifty Shades Freed in the evening but in the end thought better of it. You can bet that it'll either be full of lovey-dovey couples in search of inspiration for post-date activities or sad singletons celebrating 'Galentine's Day' and yelling 'wooooo' every time Jamie Dornan get's his kit off. No thanks. (In the privacy of my own home best believe I'd be behaving like the latter, though.) 

There may not be a rush to find love, but Valentine's Day doesn't half rub your single status in your face, right? Ahh the Facebook posts that I'll dread seeing, I can see them now. 'So lucky to be spending a 2nd Valentine's Day with this one', 'New Pandora ring, he didn't do bad did he', the dredges of facebook that have scowling more and more, and yet I know I'll sit there and scroll through the whole thing to make myself even more bitter.

Then we have 'Galentine's Day'. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm all about girls supporting girls, and all that, but to be honest, I'd rather just spend my evening wallowing in self-pity and drinking my sorrows away alone as opposed to basically having a 'Mate Date' in a desperate attempt to convince each other that we're 'strong independent women who don't need no man' and that the power of friendship somehow makes up for the desperate loneliness and lack of cuddles. You might be able to temporarily numb the pain of Valentine's Day by sharing the burden of the harsh reality of spinsterhood, but we all know you're both secretly hoping that at some point you can be the one to cut the Mate Date short because your crush finally asked you out. So might as well just cut the shit, amiright???

So, I propose we have a little Lonely Hearts Club, with a twist. Within it we may not find love, but for one day only, I propose we bond over our shared bitterness, and have a nice little bitch about all the things we hate about Valentine's Day, or that someone special that just won't get the hint that you're into them. I always say that you should never form friendship of the basis of gossiping or bitching, but on February 14th, I make an exception. Those of you currently engaged in happy relationships not welcome. 

I hope you enjoyed this post, and the over the top, tongue-in-cheek tone of it. Really, all I'm trying to say is this is just a little note of solidarity for all my other single pringles out there. I see ya. One day our Princes will come, and if not, then I hear that Wine and a Cheese selection board are great lifelong companions too. 

Let me know you thoughts on Valentine's Day in the comments below!

Until next time, 
Bisous <3

Eva 
xxx

OUTFIT DETAILS:

T-Shirt: Boohoo
Skirt: Boohoo
Blazer: H&M (similar here)
Boots: Topshop (very similar here and here)
Tights: Asos

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