FRIDAY THOUGHTS: WHY IT'S OK TO BE SAD, FEAR FOR THE FUTURE, AND MENTAL HEALTH SETBACKS

Friday, 25 August 2017











"When life gives you lemons, make some lemonade".

I'm pretty sure we've all heard this saying, and credit where it's due, I can see the sense in it. But fuck me, is it difficult to follow.

See, life has just handed me a whole bloody truck full of lemons, and I'm finding it fucking hard to see how I can even begin to make some lemonade.

So I guess I wanted to elaborate on some thoughts I've had this past week or so, and which I started to explain in my insta stories. 

You'll notice that it's been ultra positive on my blog and instagram for a while and throughout this week. And actually, for a while my mood did genuinely match this. I had started to make big progress with my recovery, and I was really seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. 

But then last week I had some bad news that has halted my progress, and to be honest, has set me back a whole lot of steps. It was something ultimately out of my control but something I feel will affect my future. My future career plans, the goals I wanted to achieve - all the things that had seemed so difficult when I first go t ill, but over time, began to seem attainable again, are now looking impossible once more. 

We all know that social media is a highlight reel. And for the past week I've felt incredibly restricted and anxious; as though I couldn't share my sadness and the fact that I'm feeling incredibly negative at the minute, for fear of being judged. Judged as the one who is never happy, who always has problems. The one who shares her negativity because she's constantly seeking a pity party. 
And it took me until yesterday to realise how bullshit that actually is. Social media can make us feel so terrible about ourselves, because everything is constantly so perfect, so positive. And we know that it's fake; that it's a distorted reality. But we also don't. We trick ourselves into believing it's all real, and that makes us feel like we shouldn't be sad. That we can't be sad. Because life is good and we're lucky to have it. 

We live in a culture, especially on social media, which encourages an overly positive attitude. Influencers are constantly bashing 'negativity' (usually a way to push off criticism) and I feel like we're increasingly being denied our negative feelings through advice like 'look on the bright side', 'find the positives in the situation' blah blah blah. Cut out 'negative' people from your life. Etc etc etc. 

And I agree to a certain extent. Of course, there are times when you should try to find the negatives in a bad situation. Of course there are times when someone's negativity can affect you, and you're right to deem that relationship toxic. But we must also acknowledge that it is not fair to brush off or invalidate someone else's sadness. Some people find it way easier to be positive than others, and whilst that is brilliant let's not make those who feel negative a lot of the time feel any more negative by shaming them for it, and making them feel worse.

And that's before we even get started on mental health issues like depression. My negativity seems to be so much more intense. There are times when I've gone on to topshop to buy a pair of shoes, the only size out of stock has been mine, and that has led me to completely rule out the day - just get in bed and mope, question why everything bad always happens to me, and breeds a whole cycle of negative thinking.

Of course that kind of thinking is unhealthy. And that's when counselling and therapy do help. But one of the biggest thing I've learnt is that we really do need to put a stop to the 'cheer up' because it simply does not help. Not once has my counsellor ever told me to 'try and be more positive' when I wake up feeling negative or sad. Instead, she tells me to acknowledge those emotions, and let them pass. Then have the strength to continue my day. We should never feel we have to suppress our negative emotions. 

At the minute, I feel lost. So, incredibly lost. I feel as though I'm being asked to make decisions on things I am in no way ready for. I'm still processing my sadness, my bitterness, my anger. I can't even begin to understand why I've been deprived of the road I was so excited to take. And I'm fucking tired of being told to 'look at the positives'.

Because that's not how it feels right now. And I don't feel that I'm in the head space to think positively about life yet. I feel sad, I want to crawl up in a ball and be upset, and you know what, I don't think that's a bad thing. 

Sometimes that's not the advice I need. Sometimes I just want someone to acknowledge my negative emotions about something, and allow me to process and wallow in them, instead of encouraging me to 'move on' or 'get over it'. 

I guess one of my biggest pet peeves is being told to 'cheer up' when I feel down. As if it is so incredibly easy to switch off negative emotions. And I think it can be harmful. 

I'm sure many of you over the past week or so will have received results for A levels and GCSEs, and these are often real turning points in our lives that can very often determine what we pursue in our futures. I'm sure there are many of you who got exactly what you wanted, and to those of you, I'd like to offer a huge congratulations. But let's not pretend that there won't be those out there who are absolutely gutted with how they've performed. Who feel incredibly uncertain about the future. Who don't understand why the path they wanted to take has been cut off to them. And to those people, I bet there have been many people who have told you to try to 'cheer up' to 'see the positives' or 'look on the bright side' and I bet that's not what you wanted to hear. Sometimes you just need someone to say, 'it's ok to be sad, I realise you are disappointed, and I'm here for you if you want to chat.' As a friend, you don't always need to advise. Sometimes, it's purely about listening. 

To those of you who are sad at the minute, for whatever reason - don't feel bad about it. Don't feel like a burden on those around you; the one that permanently brings negativity to the party. Realise who you feel comfortable confiding in, and confide in them.  Negative emotions are just as valid as any other; I don't know why we try so hard to suppress them. I think maybe there is a misconception that accepting negative emotions encourages or prolongs them, but I don't think that's the case. It is possible to merely acknowledge them. We all know that nothing lasts forever. Once you've accepted and processed your sadness, you'll have closure and can begin to move on. 

It's ok to be sad. It's ok to be bitter. It's ok to be angry. It's ok to want to feel those things, and you should never feel like a burden, or ashamed, to actually feel them. 

Until next time,
Bisous <3

Eva 
Xxx


OUTFIT DETAILS:
Tee: Forever 21(v. similar here)
Jeans: Topshop
Jacket: Bershka (same jacket in pink here)
Bag: Zara (similar here)
Twilly: Dior
Glasses: Celine (similar here)
Necklace: H&M (similar here)

P.s. I've legit just written this and edited the pics on my phone on the way home from Bicester Village haha! So please ignore any spelling mistakes etc. I'll edit it all properly tomorrow, I just didn't want to miss a Friday upload! Hope you enjoyed loves ❤️
I was almost going to apologise for uploading this. Something so messy and confused. and unpolished. But then I realised how incredibly apt it was. Because that's exactly how I feel. 




Post a Comment

SEARCH



Copyright © W H A T E V A W E A R S
Design by Fearne